I Draw The Line

I went to a UPS Store today. You know, one of those mailbox rental and mailing services places. If I hadn't needed to go there for business reasons, I would not have attempted such an obviously foolish thing. I mean, it's only a week until Christmas - people are frantically mailing out packages like possessed fiends. Not that I think fiends do a lot of mailing.

Anyhow, I HAD to go, because it's my job to fill orders for an internet business. It had taken me longer than usual to get everything together today, so I didn't get there until 4:30 - right when the crowd is starting to hit.

Here's the odd thing - looking through the front windows, I can see there are a bunch of people inside. but when I go inside, they are all just randomly standing around the counter near the door, which is there to provide a surface for customers to fill out labels, pack things, etc. But they all appear to be DONE with their preparation - and they're still just standing around. No one has formed a really obvious line.

So I ask "Where's the end of the line?" The helpful idot next to me says "Well, you're the end." Mind you, I'm standing IN FRONT OF THE DOOR. He's standing right next to it. I'm thinking "I can't just stand here, no one else can get in." Meanwhile, the idot corrects his statement "Well, you're behind the lady over there, in the white." I look in the area past the counter, and sure enough, there's a lady in white, forced to prepare her package on top of a copier, because all of the bunched-up people are blocking the counter (even though none of them are actually USING it). I think to myself "Ooo-kay....."

Just then, someone else comes in. She wants to know where the line is too. The idiot next to me says "Well, you're after her." and points to me. Just then, I discerned their system.

They are unorganized morons. They arrived at different times, and all needed to use the counter. As they came in, they kept track of who came first, regardless of when they were done preparing their packages. They then arrived at the "you're after them" system of organization. Meaning, while there was no PHYSICAL line, they all had mutually agreed on an order of going up to the counter. This saved them the tedious trouble of actually getting their butts out of the way of the counter and letting someone ELSE use it. They could all stand around, resting their packages on the counter, and chatting like they were at a party, waiting for the food to arrive.

What, are they crazy people? Did they just land on this planet? This is AMERICA - you FORM a LINE!! Unless everyone is a Quaker, and all perfectly willing to keep track of whose "turn" it is, and not "take cuts". And I think even the Quakers form lines! There is no place I've ever been to where they say "Ah yes, please wait in that mob over there, they'll let you know when it's your turn".

I did not care for this system. For one, I had NO idea how far back in line I was. Also, as people got to go up to the counter to get waited on, no one moved - I was STILL somewhat in the way of the door, and more people were starting to try and get in.

Luckilly, the lady in white (who I was after, supposedly) got done trying to prepare her shipment over on the copier, and decided to find out how far back in line SHE was. So, she asked the person she had been told she was behind "Who are YOU behind?" When she got the answer, she asked THAT person, and so on, until she found out whose turn was next.

I saw my opportunity. What these people needed was clear leadership. Looking at her, I said "Well, if I'M behind YOU, then I'm going to go ahead and start a line!"

This disturbed the bunched up people. Suddenly, the clear light of day was shone on their lazy, unorganized system. And they didn't like people noticing that they were just kind of standing around, when the rest of the free world was actually looking for a hard-and-fast LINE to stand in. I refrained from insisting that THEY line up too (although the Manager in me really wanted to whip them into shape). I just walked over and stood next to the lady in white.

The lady who came after me, after a slight pause, said "So, should I follow you?" And when I indicated she should, she came over and stood next to me.

So, there we were - 3 people in a line just past the lobby, a line that was actually running the opposite way you'd expect - AWAY from the door, rather than towards it. And there, closer to the door, was the random group of people still stubbornly standing around the counter.

More people began pouring through the door. They obviously assumed the others closer to the door were the end of the line. The idiot had to start telling people that the end of the line was actually over by me. This led the lady at the closest end of the counter (currently the next person to get to go up) to defensively remark "Well, it was working for us at first, it just got out of hand." I told her I totally understood, it was nice to have a place to rest your packages, no problems. Meanwhile, I was discussing with the lady behind me, who was from New York, how odd it had been to discover that odd clump of people, and how much nicer it was to have a clear line.

More people poured through the door. As the clump-people near the door had to keep telling the new arrivals where to go, they began saying "Well, this is the FIRST line, there's the second line over there." One clump-woman even picked up her baby carrier and packages, and came around to our side of the counter - she was the one who was supposed to go right before the woman in white, and now she was standing in front of her in our line. I secretly celebrated my victory.

Eventually, the clump-people all got to go up to the counter. Now there was just one line. But people thought the end closest to the door was the one to join - this is usually how it works. So, we had to keep telling new people that they actually needed to go to the OTHER end of the line.

And people just kept coming! The lady who had made the defensive comment was apparently mailing the entire contents of her household in individual boxes, which each needed packing peanuts added. She took FOREVER! There are only 2 people to work the counter, but they had 2 more people packing stuff in the back. So while that one lady held up one end of the counter, everyone else had to file through the only remaining employee that could help them. Meanwhile, people kept coming in, and getting added to the end of the line.

Now the line was stretching the full length of the main counter, but against the opposite wall, and curving along the back wall of the building. A few people took one look at the line and left. A few others stood there for a minute or two, then decided it wasn't worth the wait. but the majority stubbornly hung in there - they needed to mail those packages more than they needed anything else right then! And they were going to stand there all night if they had to, by golly!

Did I mention that the place was closing in 30 minutes, by this point?

Anyhow, I FINALLY got up there - the other lady was STILL mailing her house at the opposite end of the counter. And it usually takes them a while to get through all of my stuff. So now there were TWO of us taking over the whole place.

But then the lady ran out of knick-knacks to mail, and I don't think she'd brought the kitchen sink, so she finally paid and left. And the line got to move again. Which is good, because people were nearly having to line up BEHIND the main counter, that's where the end of the line was.

I proudly told Jason (the guy helping me) that I had been responsible for the organization of his customers. He smiled, and said he never looked up, so I explained that they had all been a mob by the door when I came in. I'm sure if he hadn't been so frenzied, he would have taken the time to properly thank me, and express how impressed he was with my organizational skills. But I took the glazed look in his bloodshot eyes as thanks enough.

And I left, after only 45 minutes in line! Well, 2 minutes in "mob" and 43 in "line". How about that?!